No no like, I understand why you're not ready to Skype yet and why you're not comfortable to I really do, and I feel like you can be that friend so in a way I still believe even though you say that you can't.
Yeah I just felt like that's something that not only do a lot of people have in common but in terms of what we have in common and the fact that you said that also gave me hope that we could...talk to each other more.
I'm just afraid that the more I keep telling you about what I stress about I'm also afraid that our friendship isn't going to become natural as I would wish it to be then once it happens I'm afraid that I'm going to start blaming you for everything and our friendship will go downhill.
I know that losing people seems like it's supposed to be a natural part of life when it happens to most people but when I let people in, I start becoming so afraid of losing them because I start to lose a part of me if that makes sense and whenever I start losing someone it's something that I can't get back. That has happened over a bunch of times when I became a teenager and it's happened irl, that my self-confidence started going down and my low-self esteem still beats me up for it.
Idk maybe I'm the one who's starting be at fault here because I started to open up too quickly and I should've known that I would make myself upset and yet I still repeat the same mistakes over and over without realizing it.
A lot of people have told me over time that they couldn't be the friend that I needed.
You're literally repeating the reaction that other people have told me and that does nothing but only make myself worse. That's when I start to lose myself to you but I'm trying not to because I believe that you can be someone who I can talk to.
When I started going to conventions I thought that could be a way for me to start opening up to people so I tried it... but the 3 conventions I experienced so far didn't change anything. I still haven't found people / someone who over time came to like me.
It's clearly my fault now that I started to think about it. I started to put my problems and what I worry about onto you and instead of focusing on knowing each other I'm worrying about this.
I just need you to reassure me what I'm feeling isn't wrong. This is also the main reason why I keep to myself a lot, because if I open up things start to become really messed up and wrong and I started thinking about not sharing myself and not opening up to others because the same problem happens. I just put it onto other different people when I know that's clearly a bad thing.